Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
