i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
