Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
