man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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