guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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