Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
