We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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