i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
