im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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