yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
