Sponge bath it is.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
