That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
