Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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