Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
