I am in a vortex of obligation.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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