I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
