So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
