I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
