Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize