Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
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Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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