I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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