He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
