I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
