Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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