On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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