i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
