K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
