i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
