Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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