Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
