i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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