Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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