do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
