we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Houston, we have a blender
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
