If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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