Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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