I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
