So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
