He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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