Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
