I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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