his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
