At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
