Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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