ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
