There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
