adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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