Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
