My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
