it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
