walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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