ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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