don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
