how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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