i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
