I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
