If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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