I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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