did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
