Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
