I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
