and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
