wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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