I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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