Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
