omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
