I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
