oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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