i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
