I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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