im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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