I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she peed on how many people?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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